A little ugh!!

Okay, So a little more about me.
I can be very outgoing, but I like to sit around the house and just chill too. I love an adventure and exploring what this world has to offer has always been something I wanted to do. I thought about joining the peace corp. but they want you to have a degree and I currently don't plus Me and my boyfriend got back together so its kinda hard to just leave him behind. Photography has always captured my heart and I wish I was so much better at it than I am even still its something that makes me happy so its something I still do. Children, well they couldnt bring more joy into my heart. They have this inocence to them and they are just so full of happiness. I cannot wait to one day have my own children.

Have you just ever wanted to start your own life by your own rules and just get away from where you are? Well, I have and do at this moment in my life, besides my family and best friend there is nothing more here for me. I would do anything to be able to move out to california with the love of my life! I honestly think its just fear of what my parents would say that is stopping me, nothing else. I told him after we are together a year that is when we will really start thinking and talking about it until then we will see each other in August then again around Christmas.. which isnt to bad at all, it could be a lot worse. I just honestly hope he changes his mind about this whole going over seas thing, its not that I dont support him bc I do, I would stand beside him through anything, but it scares the living crap out of me, I know that what he will be doing the possibility of something happening is very small percentage but its still the fact that he is over there and so far away and if something did happen there is crap I can do about it. It is really just fear that I feel when we talk about it, I know that it can really help when it comes to money, but I would rather struggle than go thru the pain of him being over there.

People tell me that I need to grow up all the time, well part of me feels that I am pretty mature for my age, then the other still feels like a child. I want to be able to make my own choices about my life and how I live it, I honestly dont think anyone even parents should tell there children of my age how to live there life, and what to do with it. I want to move, I want to be with him, why can't that happen?! It frustrates me...


I love him..
Is that so hard to understand..
I miss him so bad.
I don't see why I should have to cry everyday bc I cant be with him.
This sucks, but no matter what im sticking by him, forever.