Bad Bad Nights

Have you ever had those dreams where they felt so real that when you woke up you thought it had happened?
Well I have been having those, and there getting worse by the day.

I know that he loves me, in my dreams though there is someone else. Lately it seems like he is busy, and there is other things that he would rather do than talk to me. I just need him to be here, know I wouldn't be acting like this if he was. Its crazy to believe that I am thinking these things, but its not that I doubt his love for me, or his want to marry me.I just everyday that goes by it get harder to be here alone, and think that he is gonna wait for me. I know that he loves me and that I love him and that it is meant to be. I hate these dreams I hate the thought that we wouldn't be together, I doubt he would tell me he is going to ask me to marry him if he didn't want too.


Him not being here is hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. Why would god put someone in my life, but not let me be with them fully. Is this a test for the 2 of us? Are we passing? Can we make it through? I know that we are meant to be, I know that he is the one I want to marry, so why I am so scared?? I wish someone could help me out. I wish someone could tell me if this is normal. I love him, and I think I am scared to lose him. I know I am scared to lose him. Part of me is scared he is lying, and another that he is going to up and leave again.. I don't want to be scared anymore, I don't want him to leave. Im scared and there is no one here to help, no one to tell me its going to be okay.
I keep telling myself in less than a month he will be here, but is he really coming this time, is he really gonna get on that plane in LA and off im Tampa? Am I going to be able to run up to him and give him a hug and a kiss? I know that all of this is crazy talk, but its been a rough morning so far.


Love:
I need you here, I need you more than you can ever imagine. Are you having second thoughts? Did I do something wrong? Please talk to me, I feel like your keeping your distance lately. Just don't run again please, don't leave me. I know that we don't have the money for us to be together right now, but I know we can do anything together. Im sorry for this blog, but it was a bad night, and its been a bad past couple of nights. I love you and I want to marry you. I want to spend forever with you I want to have a family and grow old with you. I wanted you to read this blog bc its hard for me to tell you everything bc sometimes I feel like you blow it off. Please let me know how you feel.



I love you so much, you mean the world to me.