Day off..

So, I have never pictured myself as a strong individual like not physically strong but mentally and emotionally. I know I am not, but as each day passes, and I have to do things without him here and without being able to have a convo with him when im bored or whatnot. I think it that now that I have to be independent and basically on my own, that I am doing pretty darn good for myself. I start school in about a month, and I am ubber excited about that, Love comes to visit in 21 days, and I honestly am so excited for him to come. I know that lately things haven't been on our side with talking and seeing each other, its a rare occasion now that I get to see him, and its getting rare to even talk to him. I wish he would call more, I mean even for like 2 minutes to tell me he loves me, but he doesn't. I mean I know he is busy and the time difference sucks, but I mean anyone can take 5 minutes and call someone. It just bugs me sometimes, but I hate making things a big deal bc I feel like I am a pain or that I am bugging him. I know I can always tell him this, but I don't like to especially after the other night when he got mad at me, and it was stupid, and its over. I just like hearing his voice, and him calling to tell me he loves me and to have a good night would be like the high light of many of my days, but he doesn't and I dont think he will ever be the type to do that. Oh well.


So, we do text all the time and that keeps me occupied. I miss him so much, and I would do anything to be with him, I just hate coming home and being alone, I know that once we are together he will have to leave sometimes, but thats not the same as being here without him. I have never loved someone so much as I love him, I can't wait to be with him, and marry him. I have never met someone who I just click with like I do with him. I know the only reason we get into lil spats is bc were not together and we rarely do that, and It is mainly me, he just does his thing and I gotta open my mouth and thats how it begins.

I don't really know what to write today. My brain is all over the place right now.
Love is at work, so no calls or text right now. I have to take my sis to cheer practice at 6, and my mom sis and myself are going to see the dark knight tonight which I am stoked about! I love[d] heath leager!(sp?) plus I get out of the house again on my day off. I have been wanting to see it and now I can and dont have to pay.. so I can go see mama mia this week too.. prolly by myself which I have never done, but time to start somewhere.


Okay now I feel like crying.. ugh! All this thinking of him, is making me sad. I have never had high self-esteem, and with him its getting better but there are times where I doubt everything and right now is that time. I just am scared! Thanx to my stupid x-boyfriend who screwed me over so so bad, now I am messed up for life. I just need him to talk to, so he can make me feel better about myself, and get me out of these thoughts. I miss him so so much, and I know that when he comes to visit its going to be amazing...


well I am gonna head out. Time for a quick nap.

XXOO